Just a Temp
by zombo70
Summary: Donna realizes that companions to the Doctor have a relatively short shelf-life.


Just a Temp

_Just a temp…_

How many times had she said those words? _Don't look at me…I'm just a temp. Don't expect me to stick around…I'm just a temp_.

Only temporary. Nothing permanent. Nothing special. Just filling in for someone who _really_ matters.

Donna hated the fact that she felt that way now, about traveling with the Doctor. She was supposed to travel with him forever, until she couldn't make her withered old body crawl out of the TARDIS anymore. She was his companion, his friend.

Except now…now that she'd heard all about the brilliant Rose Tyler and the wonderful Martha Jones, she realized she was just a temporary mate. She'd travel the universe with the Doctor until fate decided her time was up and then that would be that. Only she wouldn't go to an exotic parallel dimension or have an exciting job working with Torchwood waiting for her when it was over.

No. When it was over, she'd be living with her mum and gramps again, taking one temp job after another while her life slowly passed. And one day it would be over. That was something she understood all too well.

"You're awfully moody today." The Doctor's voice was almost annoyingly jaunty as he popped into the room. He pulled open the curtains, revealing a landscape of rolling purple hills and a brilliant emerald sunrise. "You're not allowed to be broody on Jymax Prime, you know. There's a law against it."

Donna forced a half-smile. "I'm not broody. I'm deep and thoughtful."

"Yeah, yeah…" The Doctor's smile faded as he realized there would be no jollying Donna out of her mood. He sat beside her on the small couch, wiggling into the tight space, and leaned back, putting an arm along the back cushion. "Alright…out with it."

Donna felt her cheeks pinkening, so she kept her head down, hiding her face with her curtain of thick auburn hair. "It's nothing—"

"I'll be the judge of that. Now come on…" The Doctor reached over and tipped up her chin, gently turning her face so that he could look into her eyes. "I've brought you to one of the most gorgeous planets in the universe, and all you can do is sit in a dark room and look like you've lost your best friend."

Donna almost smiled at how close he'd come to knowing exactly what was on her mind. "You'll think I'm daft…"

"No more than usual, I promise you."

She said nothing for a moment, studying him. His eyes, always so wide and alight with excitement and curiosity, were fixed on hers so intently she wondered if he actually _could_ read her mind. Who knew what Timelords were capable of doing?

Donna cleared her throat, feeling suddenly nervous. This was a subject they had always skirted. He'd deflect the conversation whenever it veered dangerously close to his feelings for Rose and Martha, making a joke or changing the topic. She knew he didn't want to hurt her, but it was more agonizing for her to have to wonder what she meant to him.

"I've been thinking about what happens…after." Donna hated the weakness in her voice. Usually she could shout down the world and take no prisoners when it came to stating her opinions, of which there were many. She didn't like the way he made her feel so vulnerable.

"What do you mean, after? After lunch I thought we'd pop over to the Crystal Ocean and—"

"You know exactly what I mean, spaceman." Donna would not let him change the subject this time. "After you're done with me."

The Doctor blinked, taken aback, and frowned. "Now that's a nice way to put it."

"You know what I mean. Your companions don't exactly have a long shelf-life, you know." Donna realized with sudden horror that tears were burning just behind her eyes. "I don't know that I can go back to normal life after all this. After you."

The Doctor slipped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her close to him. Donna closed her eyes as the tears streamed over her cheeks. She felt safe in that moment, protected in his embrace. She could pretend that she was timeless, too. That they'd truly have forever together.

"Ah, Donna…" He kissed her temple and held her even closer. "I'm so sorry."

"What 'ave you got to be sorry about?" Donna sniffed and raised her head, suddenly embarrassed of her momentary weakness. She wiped at her eyes and tried to regain her equilibrium.

"I like to think that I'm helping people," he said softly, gently pushing Donna's hair from her eyes. "But the truth is…I bring companions along for purely selfish reasons."

Donna couldn't help but to smile at that. "Selfish? You? Please, mate…"

The Doctor's solemn expression never changed. "Yes, selfish. I've been alone for so long…longer than I care to realize, to be honest…that I don't think about how much your life changes being with me."

"That's a bit of an understatement."

He suddenly smiled, sunshine breaking through the clouds. "Yeah, I guess it is, innit?"

"What will you do after I'm gone?" Donna asked quietly.

He said nothing for a moment, and Donna knew it was because he knew he could not lie to her. He couldn't tell her fairy tales and expect her to believe them.

"I'll miss you terribly," he finally said, an unspeakable sadness in his voice.

Donna knew that sadness all too well. She felt it every time she thought of life without the Doctor and the TARDIS. She had been given such a gift by him, and he would never know how much it meant to her to be lifted out of the monotony of her life. Without the Doctor, she would have grown old and died without ever wondering what lay beyond the edges of the universe.

How he could think himself selfish was beyond her.

"Oh, I know what you'll do," she said, forcing a lightness in her tone that she definitely did not feel. "You'll save some little chav from a bloody alien and end up taking her along for the ride. She won't be as mature as me, of course, but you'll adjust."

The Doctor slowly smiled. "I will, will I?"

"You'll probably end up saving the world while you're at it," Donna said and smiled, feeling slightly better. It was amazing what his smile could do for her. "I wonder if it'll be Daleks or Cybermen."

"Don't forget about the possibility of spontaneously occurring black holes or rifts in time and space."

"Oh, right, right…there's always that."

His smile slanted as they gazed at each other. "Are you alright, really?"

Donna looked into his eyes and wondered if he felt even remotely the same as she felt. Or if he even _could_ feel what she felt. When you have all of time and space at your beck and call, could you ever be happy loving one person? And a human, at that?

All she knew was that she had unfortunately fallen in love with him, undoubtedly just as Rose and Martha and an untold number of past companions had loved him. She was sure he cared about them in his own way, but until she knew for certain what he felt, she would have to keep him at arm's length even though it killed her.

"Yeah," she said and smiled. "I'm alright. Really."

"Good to hear." He pulled her closer and settled back against the couch with his arm around her, her head resting against his shoulder. "Now let's watch this sunrise and figure out how we're going to spend the day, Miss Noble."

Donna relished the warmth of him beside her and closed her eyes, ignoring the sunrise so she could remember every moment of this closeness. That was what she wanted to take back with her. That was what she wanted to remember.


End file.
